The purpose of this blog was supposed to be THERAPY. My intentions were to write every day; maybe even twice a day. I have been failing at that and only because I am lazy. So that's stopping right here, right now. If you're following this and I don't blog you better speak up and remind me.
Today is his birthday and although leading up to this day I was really fighting myself over how to acknowledge it - or if I should - when today finally arrived I knew immediately I wasn't going to. Maybe because I think he's expecting me to. Maybe because he didn't acknowledge mine. Whatever. It's just not worth the heartache. I know he won't read an email if I send it and to send him a text would be suicide of the heart wrenching sort, so I'm not even going there. Let's just chalk it up as "it is what it is". If he gets curious about me maybe he will reach out. Doubtful. Just part of the letting go process, right? See me letting go?
The girls are scheduled to get here soon. The anxiety level is rising on so many levels. Money is tight and I do mean squeaky tight. I've applied for a balance transfer to free up one card that the DH will use to come cross country. I keep asking God to just let me stretch it this one last time and then things will start to retract. So far he's not answered me but that's okay. I know he's busy with more important things/people. I have faith. The girls will be quarantined in a less than ideal barn/stall location, but I need to be patient yet again. It's understandable to quarantine them. Cross country; new barn; lots of other's horses. I'd do the same if I was the barn owner. But it looks a lot like a dungeon and I'm certain the girls are going to look at me as if to say, "Where have you brought me??" It's only for two weeks and then they go up to the big barn and can be turned out with the other mares.
Move in date draws closer. We should do a countdown. Let's say this is T-27. It could be sooner, but we won't know that until the 15th. Either way this is the last month I will have to live out of my car. I'm ready to be in our own house, with my cats, my love seat, my DH. All of this living out of a bag and hauling crap from house to house has gotten very old. I'm actually thinking I am slightly depressed because all I want to do is sleep. And sleep I do. When the girls arrive I'm going to change that. Being with them; brushing them and just being near doing whatever is my goal. And then the goal is to get them to our place as soon as possible. I'd love for it to happen in 2011 but unless we bite the bullet and put up something temporary it won't happen. I have this idea in my head but I don't think the DH has the same idea at all. He can't think temporary for some reason. Maybe I can change his mindset.
After much work on two spreadsheets the boss finally expressed his approval of both. I sighed with relief. He's not very good at feedback. In the past I have taken that to me that normally implies they are content, but you just never know. So I'm taking this as a small victory for now and hoping it leads to better things to come. The plan is bring on yet another PC. I'm hoping we can collaborate somewhat and work together. We'll see I suppose.
SONG OF THE BLOG: I don't have one....
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