Most difficult day of the week to get through for me. And to make matters worse it is storming today. What I wouldn't give to be...but I digress. Let's move on, shall we?
Yesterday my cousin introduced me to Bill. My cousin has no idea what was going through my mind. She knew I would find him attractive and sweet as she does. Tall, salt and pepper hair, easy grin and laid back attitude. Yes Bill is indeed eye candy. Too bad he works six miles down the road. Or perhaps that is a good thing.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "Lost in You" by Two Days Grace
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Balance
The every day struggle for a Libra is to get that balance in the Universe. We strive for it every second of every day. It's a daunting task and one we take seriously. When things are right we briefly sigh and baske in the harmony, but as is always the case it never stays balanced for long and will teeter. Now that I am older I understand my desire for this harmony in all things. There was a time I fought it believing I had to go against the grain in order to get the results I wanted. But now I understand the give and take this balance requires and although it often feels like I compromise way more than anyone else I still do it to achieve that balance.
Often is the case that my own life; my wants specifically, are set aside. I don't play a martyr because bringing that to the attention of others is not my style and nonproductive in getting the results I need. I do, however, sit back at times and realize that this selfishness in others is often what makes the world tilt on it's axis and cause the imbalance. There are times, I admit, I wish I too could be this way. Thinking the world somehow owes me and demand attention. But that in and of itself is a bad taste in my mouth. For who will make things right if we all have this mindset?
No, I know all too well my place in the Universe and I am not happy until I can achieve that level. What makes my "job" more difficult is human nature. The people around me are constantly pushing for lead positions and greed drives many. Unfortunately not in the way that would be most beneficial, but in the manipulative kind of way. They want something for nothing. Feel they are somehow owed and shouldn't have to pay their dues. Still every day I wake up with the goal of balance. If my life somehow gets easier as a result then things are real good. The little glimmer of harmony I sometimes get to experience is my reward.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "King of Everything" by Sara Bareilles
Often is the case that my own life; my wants specifically, are set aside. I don't play a martyr because bringing that to the attention of others is not my style and nonproductive in getting the results I need. I do, however, sit back at times and realize that this selfishness in others is often what makes the world tilt on it's axis and cause the imbalance. There are times, I admit, I wish I too could be this way. Thinking the world somehow owes me and demand attention. But that in and of itself is a bad taste in my mouth. For who will make things right if we all have this mindset?
No, I know all too well my place in the Universe and I am not happy until I can achieve that level. What makes my "job" more difficult is human nature. The people around me are constantly pushing for lead positions and greed drives many. Unfortunately not in the way that would be most beneficial, but in the manipulative kind of way. They want something for nothing. Feel they are somehow owed and shouldn't have to pay their dues. Still every day I wake up with the goal of balance. If my life somehow gets easier as a result then things are real good. The little glimmer of harmony I sometimes get to experience is my reward.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "King of Everything" by Sara Bareilles
Friday, October 14, 2011
This Cannot Last Forever
That's what I kept telling myself on my drive into work this morning. This crush has got to end soon. I mean, really? It's not like I am a high school girl. I should be able to put this behind me and move right on down the track. Instead my train is derailed with no signs of recovering. This is disconcerting to me as I want nothing more than to be HAPPY and CONTENT with where I am and who I am with. Let me let go. Isn't that a song? Wow, could there ever be one more fitting than that? Yeah - how about...
SONG OF THE BLOG: "Not Over You" by Gavin Degraw
SONG OF THE BLOG: "Not Over You" by Gavin Degraw
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Photo
Whilst snooping about the Web I came across a photo I had never seen before. It is electrifying and the vision is literally burned into my brain. Driving in to work this morning I couldn't help but wonder what is going on with me. He's obviously quite content this way or else he would have reached out. Normally I would have had no problem moving on but not with this man. I don't know how to fix this and it's driving me crazy.
Friday, October 7, 2011
TFIG
Looking forward to a weekend of crocheting and the Saurkraut Festival. Oh and worrying over my horses long journey from CA to OH.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "As Close As I'll Get To Loving You" by Aaron Tippin
SONG OF THE BLOG: "As Close As I'll Get To Loving You" by Aaron Tippin
Thursday, October 6, 2011
T-24
That's how many days till we move in. I can't wait. I am tired of living out of my car and out of a bag with my clothes everywhere. I don't even know where half of my stuff is at this point. For someone like me that's just hell.
I broke down and viewed the FB I told myself I wasn't. He's still alive. That's about all I know. Crap I just wish he would keep in touch. I'm certain he's getting his fix somewhere else. I keep holding out thinking he will miss me. And then I laugh. I'm pretty sure he's quite happy to be rid of me.
There's this HUGE part of me that wants to blow his mind and just show up someplace I know he will be. Preferably at a competition - like the race. Not even sure he's still doing those these days which is why I check the site. Anyway I'd love to get in great shape and show up. Love to see his face when he sees me all fit and competing.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "How Do You Like Me Now?" by Toby Keith
I broke down and viewed the FB I told myself I wasn't. He's still alive. That's about all I know. Crap I just wish he would keep in touch. I'm certain he's getting his fix somewhere else. I keep holding out thinking he will miss me. And then I laugh. I'm pretty sure he's quite happy to be rid of me.
There's this HUGE part of me that wants to blow his mind and just show up someplace I know he will be. Preferably at a competition - like the race. Not even sure he's still doing those these days which is why I check the site. Anyway I'd love to get in great shape and show up. Love to see his face when he sees me all fit and competing.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "How Do You Like Me Now?" by Toby Keith
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
When will it snow?
I realize it's only Oct 5th, but can it hurry up and snow already? I've been waiting a long time to live some place where I can sit at my window and watch the snow fall. Yes I know it's cold. Yes I know it can turn ugly when the cars drive on it and the people walk through it. But in the beginning when it's fresh and untouched it's truly beautiful.
Monday can't come soon enough for me. Yes, I said "Monday". One less burden on my shoulders and I need to drop some of the burden. Slowly but surely it's all falling into place.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "I Dare You" by Shinedown. Cause I do - dare you.
Monday can't come soon enough for me. Yes, I said "Monday". One less burden on my shoulders and I need to drop some of the burden. Slowly but surely it's all falling into place.
SONG OF THE BLOG: "I Dare You" by Shinedown. Cause I do - dare you.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Re-establishing Contact and All Sorts of Random
The purpose of this blog was supposed to be THERAPY. My intentions were to write every day; maybe even twice a day. I have been failing at that and only because I am lazy. So that's stopping right here, right now. If you're following this and I don't blog you better speak up and remind me.
Today is his birthday and although leading up to this day I was really fighting myself over how to acknowledge it - or if I should - when today finally arrived I knew immediately I wasn't going to. Maybe because I think he's expecting me to. Maybe because he didn't acknowledge mine. Whatever. It's just not worth the heartache. I know he won't read an email if I send it and to send him a text would be suicide of the heart wrenching sort, so I'm not even going there. Let's just chalk it up as "it is what it is". If he gets curious about me maybe he will reach out. Doubtful. Just part of the letting go process, right? See me letting go?
The girls are scheduled to get here soon. The anxiety level is rising on so many levels. Money is tight and I do mean squeaky tight. I've applied for a balance transfer to free up one card that the DH will use to come cross country. I keep asking God to just let me stretch it this one last time and then things will start to retract. So far he's not answered me but that's okay. I know he's busy with more important things/people. I have faith. The girls will be quarantined in a less than ideal barn/stall location, but I need to be patient yet again. It's understandable to quarantine them. Cross country; new barn; lots of other's horses. I'd do the same if I was the barn owner. But it looks a lot like a dungeon and I'm certain the girls are going to look at me as if to say, "Where have you brought me??" It's only for two weeks and then they go up to the big barn and can be turned out with the other mares.
Move in date draws closer. We should do a countdown. Let's say this is T-27. It could be sooner, but we won't know that until the 15th. Either way this is the last month I will have to live out of my car. I'm ready to be in our own house, with my cats, my love seat, my DH. All of this living out of a bag and hauling crap from house to house has gotten very old. I'm actually thinking I am slightly depressed because all I want to do is sleep. And sleep I do. When the girls arrive I'm going to change that. Being with them; brushing them and just being near doing whatever is my goal. And then the goal is to get them to our place as soon as possible. I'd love for it to happen in 2011 but unless we bite the bullet and put up something temporary it won't happen. I have this idea in my head but I don't think the DH has the same idea at all. He can't think temporary for some reason. Maybe I can change his mindset.
After much work on two spreadsheets the boss finally expressed his approval of both. I sighed with relief. He's not very good at feedback. In the past I have taken that to me that normally implies they are content, but you just never know. So I'm taking this as a small victory for now and hoping it leads to better things to come. The plan is bring on yet another PC. I'm hoping we can collaborate somewhat and work together. We'll see I suppose.
SONG OF THE BLOG: I don't have one....
Today is his birthday and although leading up to this day I was really fighting myself over how to acknowledge it - or if I should - when today finally arrived I knew immediately I wasn't going to. Maybe because I think he's expecting me to. Maybe because he didn't acknowledge mine. Whatever. It's just not worth the heartache. I know he won't read an email if I send it and to send him a text would be suicide of the heart wrenching sort, so I'm not even going there. Let's just chalk it up as "it is what it is". If he gets curious about me maybe he will reach out. Doubtful. Just part of the letting go process, right? See me letting go?
The girls are scheduled to get here soon. The anxiety level is rising on so many levels. Money is tight and I do mean squeaky tight. I've applied for a balance transfer to free up one card that the DH will use to come cross country. I keep asking God to just let me stretch it this one last time and then things will start to retract. So far he's not answered me but that's okay. I know he's busy with more important things/people. I have faith. The girls will be quarantined in a less than ideal barn/stall location, but I need to be patient yet again. It's understandable to quarantine them. Cross country; new barn; lots of other's horses. I'd do the same if I was the barn owner. But it looks a lot like a dungeon and I'm certain the girls are going to look at me as if to say, "Where have you brought me??" It's only for two weeks and then they go up to the big barn and can be turned out with the other mares.
Move in date draws closer. We should do a countdown. Let's say this is T-27. It could be sooner, but we won't know that until the 15th. Either way this is the last month I will have to live out of my car. I'm ready to be in our own house, with my cats, my love seat, my DH. All of this living out of a bag and hauling crap from house to house has gotten very old. I'm actually thinking I am slightly depressed because all I want to do is sleep. And sleep I do. When the girls arrive I'm going to change that. Being with them; brushing them and just being near doing whatever is my goal. And then the goal is to get them to our place as soon as possible. I'd love for it to happen in 2011 but unless we bite the bullet and put up something temporary it won't happen. I have this idea in my head but I don't think the DH has the same idea at all. He can't think temporary for some reason. Maybe I can change his mindset.
After much work on two spreadsheets the boss finally expressed his approval of both. I sighed with relief. He's not very good at feedback. In the past I have taken that to me that normally implies they are content, but you just never know. So I'm taking this as a small victory for now and hoping it leads to better things to come. The plan is bring on yet another PC. I'm hoping we can collaborate somewhat and work together. We'll see I suppose.
SONG OF THE BLOG: I don't have one....
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